I have been crabby most of the day-feeling like I'm bored, but can't really do anything because of my knee not cooperating, don't want to read, crabby with Richard, wanting to get stuff done but can't really do much, slightly angry about that, and wanting to get out of house-though was out earlier and didn't really do much to improve my poor humour.
Which led me to think, 'so this may be on a small level what it feels like for some people who have a chronic illness'. I say on a small level because I know this will correct with surgery, I'm not really in any pain-only discomfort when I overdo it, and I have adequate resources to deal with the situation-I'm getting paid my salary, getting treatment paid for, and getting it quicker-jumping the queue because it is work related.
But..it does give me a good insight into how frustrating it is to have a condition impacting my ability to live normally-not able to do the things I used to take for granted, and seeing how it impacts my relationship with people around me. Having to ask for things that I was able to do by myself, and getting angry over having to ask. Getting used to not having things done in the time and way that I am used to. This makes me appreciate the difficulty and enormous life-changing circumstances that others deal with. What would it be like to be so depressed that I couldn't leave bed? How would it feel to live with hallucinations and paranoia that others were wanting to kill me? And to have difficulty processing information in understanding that it is an illness to begin with? How it would feel to know that others around you are tired of dealing with your illness and are questioning whether they can live with you and know that the disease is not going to go away? To deal with knowing that life will never be the same?
At a recent seminar I heard that people with a high IQ who live with schizophrenia are at higher risk of dying by suicide (and overall risk of dying by suicide if you have schizophrenia is high-according to several documents 10% of people with schizophrenia die by suicide-though some articles state that rate may be lower-5% and again several note that if living with schizophrenia-40% may attempt suicide-huge numbers) as when some people understand the entire impact that schizophrenia may have on their life-they are unable to manage the impact of this and suicide. Pretty sobering and frightening to think of how hopeless people feel when thinking of their future and what they will do in it.
How would I feel to deal with knowing that the entire way I had pictured my life was not going to happen? Of course, we all deal with life changing directions multiple times, and know that plans more often than not, will not be what we had thought. But coping with such a different direction? I think that as a nurse I have frequently not paid enough attention to the strength and resilience people demonstrate in living through and making a quality life with their diagnosis/disease/illness.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Waiting
No change in knee status-continuing to wait for WCB to approve claim or at least process it. Since surgeon is on holidays, doesn't really make much difference, since I can't have surgery anyway. I see why people get so irate at waiting for decisions etc. as I am getting so irritated with this process. Still on crutches, knee still locked. It is good to be reminded of how frustrating the process is when you are on the receiving end of healthcare. Nevermind that I'd much rather be on the other end. Sigh.
Got together to review the new protocols for monitoring patients after being secluded and having rapid tranquilisation (giving people meds to calm them down after being extremely agitated). It was a really productive session and I think that what we developed certainly will help in monitoring patients and make us accountable in our practice. The tricky part is going to be rolling it out-how will people respond to these changes?
I find it interesting how in a rapidly changing environment such as healthcare, there are so many people who resist change. I know that I don't always respond well to change, but I do try to recognize that it is inevitable in life, not to mention in an area such as healthcare. What is it that we resist? Fear of the unknown? Fear that we won't be able to adapt? Anger that the other way worked perfectly fine, why should I change? Nothing bad happened before, why change now? Complacency that it is too much work to change, the way we do it now works, why go to all the trouble to change it? Given that one of my requirements as a registered nurse is to consistently be evaluating my own practice and developing goals for myself on areas to work on, I feel I have no choice but to do that. I suppose since I have been nursing for only 2 years, maybe I'm used to always having to reflect on my work as I did it all through nursing-constantly being evaluated and constantly having to develop goals. I got tired of it, but in retrospect, it helps now as I don't mind asking for feedback on what I'm doing. Not that I am happy when I screw up, but I thinking I am finally able to see this as a learning opportunity, rather than a personal failure.
One of the great things about this committee is the positive patient focus and agreement that all the members have in working together to improve patient care, with similar ethical focus. Makes such a huge difference in committee work. Working in groups where everyone does not have the same focus or have other agendas makes group work loonnggg and painful.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are visiting and we were talking about my work and she said 'it's great to see how passionate you are about your work. You've really found the job you love'. It's true, I do, and I don't understand how others don't feel the same way. I think this can be a problem as I get impatient and angry with people who just 'put in their time' the whole time they are at work. I think a weakness of mine is lack of tolerance for nurses who I perceive as not putting enough effort into their job or not doing their job up to my ethical standards. This obviously is not so good when I sit in judgement because then I can't recognize that there are different ethical responses to situations. How though, do you accept something when you believe it to be against our code of ethics? And how can I maintain my ethical principles without wanting to change situations to fit within the code of ethics? How many ways can you interpret the principle of maintaining dignity and actually maintain that dignity?
Got together to review the new protocols for monitoring patients after being secluded and having rapid tranquilisation (giving people meds to calm them down after being extremely agitated). It was a really productive session and I think that what we developed certainly will help in monitoring patients and make us accountable in our practice. The tricky part is going to be rolling it out-how will people respond to these changes?
I find it interesting how in a rapidly changing environment such as healthcare, there are so many people who resist change. I know that I don't always respond well to change, but I do try to recognize that it is inevitable in life, not to mention in an area such as healthcare. What is it that we resist? Fear of the unknown? Fear that we won't be able to adapt? Anger that the other way worked perfectly fine, why should I change? Nothing bad happened before, why change now? Complacency that it is too much work to change, the way we do it now works, why go to all the trouble to change it? Given that one of my requirements as a registered nurse is to consistently be evaluating my own practice and developing goals for myself on areas to work on, I feel I have no choice but to do that. I suppose since I have been nursing for only 2 years, maybe I'm used to always having to reflect on my work as I did it all through nursing-constantly being evaluated and constantly having to develop goals. I got tired of it, but in retrospect, it helps now as I don't mind asking for feedback on what I'm doing. Not that I am happy when I screw up, but I thinking I am finally able to see this as a learning opportunity, rather than a personal failure.
One of the great things about this committee is the positive patient focus and agreement that all the members have in working together to improve patient care, with similar ethical focus. Makes such a huge difference in committee work. Working in groups where everyone does not have the same focus or have other agendas makes group work loonnggg and painful.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are visiting and we were talking about my work and she said 'it's great to see how passionate you are about your work. You've really found the job you love'. It's true, I do, and I don't understand how others don't feel the same way. I think this can be a problem as I get impatient and angry with people who just 'put in their time' the whole time they are at work. I think a weakness of mine is lack of tolerance for nurses who I perceive as not putting enough effort into their job or not doing their job up to my ethical standards. This obviously is not so good when I sit in judgement because then I can't recognize that there are different ethical responses to situations. How though, do you accept something when you believe it to be against our code of ethics? And how can I maintain my ethical principles without wanting to change situations to fit within the code of ethics? How many ways can you interpret the principle of maintaining dignity and actually maintain that dignity?
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